Advice to newly married girls

Though this blog is designed for men, I’m posting this article for newly married girls with an optimistic hope that, if they follow at least a few of the suggestions given then it may help the (un)lucky guy who is sharing his life with her. Of course other senior married women can read it but I’m sure they will not agree with me on most of the points.

 First, congratulations on starting your new life. It is a brand new life and make sure you understand now itself that it can never be better than your past life. Please try to accept this fact. It is true not only for you but for your partner as well. Never try to compare your “pre” and “post” lives. As a matter of fact, you should not compare these two lives given the fact that expectations, responsibilities and commitments are altogether different for these two roles. It is like comparing east and west and wondering why both are not showing the same route. There is no point in comparing two things which are completely different.

 Understand that, you are not going for 3rd world war to fight for the freedom of your country. Most of the girls start their married life with this kind of negative mindset thinking that, husband side family/in-laws attitudes would be a big problem. Just understand that, your attitude is different, my attitude is different, your parents’ attitude is different and your brother/sister attitude is different. Likewise, their attitude will also be different. Just accept them as they are. In this world, there are no separate good persons and bad persons. It is nothing like few persons always do correct/good things and few always do wrong/bad things. Based on our experience/understanding of life, we usually assume something is correct and something is wrong. But same thing may look vice versa to another person. Good and bad is part of every one of us and how you see it is most important. Go ahead with a positive mind.

 Similarly, your husband attitude may match to your expectations or there may be deviations (Please refer my previous post). It depends on the way he has been brought up or his personal experiences of life or the way he shaped his personality. Just understand that deviations from our expectations are quite natural. In future, if you feel that his attitude is a problem, realize that problem is with your expectations but not with his attitude.

 Do you love your family? Of course you will. You had 20+ years of wonderful relation with your family. Is that correct? You never given a thought that, your family is doing good things or bad things. You simply accepted them. Likewise he had 20++ years of life before coming to your life. Respect his past life. Never ever criticize his family directly with him. If you get angry on any one of them, share it with your closed ones preferably with your friends but never with him. (Note : Sharing with others may not get you any solution for your problems. Only reason behind this advice is, keeping anger inside is not good for you and for your relations. If you do not share it, internally that anger gets piled up and later small small issues with your husband/in-laws can easily trigger that anger and may further spoil your relations). If you criticize directly with him, he may say it outside or not but surely love on you will reduce.

Why?

There is no rocket science in this. If someone criticizes your family how you take it? You will never forget those comments in your life. It is as simple as that. It is like going against his past 25-30 years of positive recordings. Never do that.

As far as your relationship with your in-laws is concerned, accept one simple fact. Do not expect relationship between you and your in-laws is going to be great. I’m sure that you are not going to like them and so as they. It is impossible to like someone just because they are related to your partner. At the best what you can do is create an environment where your partner and in-laws can communicate with each other freely. If you can make your partner feel like there is no psychological gap came between him and his family after marriage then that is more than enough you can do.

Do not take this point easy. Your attitude towards his family greatly influences his love on you. They may look fools to you and your husband accepting everything they say and everything they do may look sillier to you. But, you should never see logic behind this. As far as our family relationships are concerned, we normaly use our heart than brain. As long as their relationship not effecting your own relationship with your husband, do not care much about these things.

You can follow one thing. Most men (70-80%) do not like the work they are doing. But still they are doing it and they will do it for rest of their lives.

Why?

Simple “they have to”.

Your role with his family is not more than this. It is just a duty and simply do it like men do their jobs. That’s it.

 Women do like to give suggestions to their husband. Most men cannot take suggestions from women and think that they are trying to control them. Men like to have freedom in their decision making especially in matters related to his parents, siblings and money. They love their partner if she accepts his decisions. Women think that their husband doesn’t know anything and others are misusing him. If he cannot take suggestions, think twice before offering any advice/suggestion.

 Never depend on cell phone information and start fighting. It seems problems in families increased with cell phone usage. People who don’t have any work and common sense do pass negative information to you over cell phone. Just listen and leave it. Do not allow it to disturb your family.

 Finally, never try to change your attitude/personality unless you feel yourself that it is required. As I said before, your attitude is different from any other person on this earth attitude. We are all unique. It is nothing like one attitude is correct and other is wrong. Do not listen to someone else opinion unless it matches to your personality. If you do that, your partner can clearly understand that you are not telling your own opinion but someone else influenced you to tell that. Never do that.

Good Luck!!!